Constant Changes

It's a New Year!! Woo Hoo!!

2009-01-06T17:49:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about how everyone is always so big into the new years resolution thing. I have, of course, tried this a few times. What I have found is that no one ever follows through, or rather I never follow through, so this year I decided to not even bother. Instead, I tried to think about how I can make a difference in my life this year, however it may be. To think about long term goals, and what I can do to make a difference to someone else this year. I want to be a better person, and learn from my mistakes from previous years, and just enjoy life. It doesn't have to be this strict rule that won't be followed. I look at it a little like when your a teenager and someone gives you a rule to follow, and all you really want to do is rebel and break it. I want to just smile and laugh a little more, and not be so caught up in all the negative in life. Why not enjoy it everyday? Especially in these times of economic change and upheaval, we should look at what really matters. 2008 was a tough year, so in my book it won't take much to beat it. I have a wonderful husband and daughter, and I can't ask for much more than that.
So here's to a new year! Cheers!!

Merry Christmas!!!

2008-12-23T22:16:00.001-08:00

Since I update on here approximately once a year now I thought I would say Merry Christmas!! I don't really know where the time goes, but it goes quickly! It's winter again, and it's been snowing non stop for about the last week. I am just about ready for summer. Ha Ha. I am ready for a really long vacation to a tropical island. Actually, I'd like to just retire there. Tomorrow.
Since that probably won't be happening, I'll just try to appreciate what I have here for now. So I hope everyone else is doing well and has a very merry Christmas!! Stay warm and safe and enjoy whatever family or friends you will be spending the day with. We will be enjoying our normal family day of lounging around, eating lots, seeing a movie and just relaxing. Can't wait! :)

It's been, um, awhile??

2008-08-13T21:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, where has the time gone? To say I have neglected this blog would be quite the understatement. November was my last post? Seriously??? I haven't had a lot of readers anyhow, but still to the 1 or 2 of you, sorry!!!!
Well, we are still here in Bend, and after the horrid winter almost killed me, the summer has been AMAZING!!!!!! There is so much to do here in the great outdoors, and I have loved it. If it could only stay this way all the time, I would love it!! We are definitely loving it much more. My daughter has made tons of friends and work is good. We have been to Portland a couple times, (love it there), and are going to Crater Lake next week. Woo Hoo!!!
So that's a quick update of life over the last many months. What about you???

Adjustment Period??

2007-11-09T10:51:00.000-08:00

It has been 3 weeks now that we have lived in Oregon. Sometimes it feels like it has been forever, and sometimes it feels as though we just got here. I know that it normally takes a while to adjust to a new home, but how long should it take???
I have been struggling the last few days with feeling out of my element and very homesick. I love it here, it is beautiful, but it is also very different from California. For starters, people drive slow, and there isn't a whole lot to do. Part of that is just the weather is gettting colder, so it is harder to do outdoor activities, or get motivated to , anyways. I am already freezing and it has been in the 50's. I am used to 70's so it is hard to adjust. I also have noticed there are not many choices for food here, and that is rather depressing. I probably just haven't been out and about enough, and there are plenty of smaller type places, just not the chain restuarants I am used to. Nothing familiar, I guess that is what it really is. My hubby is still in San Diego, and that is hard. Harder than I thought it would be. We are both pretty independent, but I miss having my friend here. I don't really have anyone to share things with, other than my daughter, which is great, but just not the same. So I guess I just feel sad. I actually called my hubby today and told him maybe we had made a mistake and we should just move back. He is the rational one, who told me I have to give it a chance. I am feeling very moody. I have to remember I don't always adjust to change very well. I love for things to stay comfortable and familiar. I also am ready to feel like I am home, and settled. Whoever set the expectations that you should be settled by the time you reach your 30's? I think I did, and since I am not I feel disappointed. Is it like this for everyone??? I know things will get better, but for now I really just want to cry. And then drink a glass of wine. Even if it is only 11am. I'm adjusting...right???

Pictures for fun...

2007-10-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

Drake Park--the most beautiful park ever!
Me and my "baby"
A rest stop on the way to Oregon!
Isn't our new home pretty??? Today was the most amazing day and we enjoyed the great weather. And good news in San Diego that the wildfires are a little tiny bit better and my hubby is safe!!

Moving and Wildfires, oh my...

2007-10-23T21:53:00.000-07:00

Wow. What a week.
We got safely to Oregon and are adapting. It was freezing cold and then it warmed up beautifully. It's a big change from San Diego and we are in a bit of culture shock. It has been 1 week now. My husband was here to move us and then headed back to SD for about 1 month of work he has left there. My daughter started middle school and cried the first day. My heart broke. She is now doing better and has made many friends. I started my job here yesterday and so far so good. I could not ask for a better group of people to work with.

And then, the wildfires in San Diego broke out. Everywhere. With my husband there and we are here. And let me tell you, nothing has tested my emotions before like this has. Twice he has been close to evacuation. There is fire basically all around him and stiffling smoke and thick air. And all I can do is watch the coverage on TV and talk to him, when I can get through, and hear about the devastation. We saw our neighborhood that we just moved out of on TV within 1 mile of the fire. I am in absolute shock over the whole thing. I am so saddened by how this is affecting people there. Some people that I know. It is terrible. All I can say is how incredible the community there is dealing with this. They are supporting one another and rallying together. And I had forgotten how kind people can be. It makes me proud that I was a part of that city just 1 week ago, and I hope those fires will die down quickly. I am still very worried about it all, and I know this will be a time in my life I will never forget. Everyone will get through this, and thankfully people have almost entirely been kept safe. Those firefighters are amazing and working night and day right now. I am so thankful to them, and I know my husband will be okay. Please keep San Diego in your thoughts and prayers!!

So many things left to do...

2007-09-29T21:34:00.000-07:00

So I sat here tonight amidst boxes everywhere and cried. As much as I am excited to move, it seems you always realize how many things you will leave behind. When we moved from
North Carolina, it was like an adventure. But I hated to leave, too. I was leaving my dear friends. And my first home. And trees and nice people. So I spent a year missing "home". Then I adjusted to being in California. Things didn't turn out the way we hoped. We took a chance and it just didn't work out. So now we are taking a chance once again and moving to Oregon. A city I have never been to in my life. I am excited and scared to death at the same time. I seriously started to hyperventilate earlier. Overwhelmed would sum it up.
So we have spent days trying to fit in all the things we will miss about San Diego, like the beach and the great taco shop near our home and the bay and downtown and the zoo. There just isn't enough time. Then I doubt myself and this huge decision we have made. What if we hate it? But I determined that we won't know unless we go, and that's what life is about, right? Taking chances? Because if we always just lived with comfortable, where would the excitement be? I will miss this place, but I will be with my family, and we will be in it together, experiencing this new once again. And hopefully this time it will work out for us. So 2 weeks until our new adventure begins!

Moving away....

2007-09-22T13:58:00.000-07:00

So, big news anyone?
For me, yes! We are moving to Bend, Oregon! In 3 weeks!!! I have never been there! Can you say stress????
It has a lot to do with a job, and a lot to do with wanting to get out of the crazy California environment! We are excited, and nervous!! I cannot believe it, really, it hasn't sunk in. But I have to start packing! Woo Hoo!
So I may be away for a while, but I will return.
Fun times. I guess I will have to change my title, huh? Take Care!

Six years...Really?

2007-09-11T09:24:00.000-07:00

9/11.
6 years ago today.
Can you believe it?

I have a confession. I have been miserably whiney and sad lately. We are pondering a move to Oregon that will effect ,uh, everything in our life. And I am stressed. It's so scary to make a move, and to a city we have never even been to. I have been worried about the stress it will cause our daughter, because it's Hard to be a kid and move. When school has already started. Ugh. I hate it for her. We are considering this primarily for financial reasons because California has sucked us dry and then some and we simply cannot afford to keep it up here. I was offered a position with the company I work for in Oregon, better position, less pay. Super!! Actually I am excited, but it's all scary anyways. So I have been crying and just a real joy to be around. Oh, and I have to decide by tomorrow.

Which brings me back to the date. 9/11. Remember how everyone forgot about their jobs and money and stress that day? All we could think of was how much we loved our family and friends and how sad we all were? Remember how we all vowed to be different? At least I know I did. Worry less about money, worry more about family. You never know when it can end. So regardless of my stress right now, I am going to live this day like it was my last. And I hope you all will do the same. Here's to the memory of all those who died that day, and to the soldiers and their families who are still fighting on our behalf. True heroes. Enjoy your day!

Things that make you go hmmm...

2007-08-14T10:30:00.000-07:00

Hello all!! Well while i continue to read blogs, I have failed to update for quite some time. What can I say? I am currently having a stressful life (what else is new?) so I have failed to write about it because it would seem like quite a "downer".
We are considering moving out of state, as the real estate market here is horrendous and it has caused us a lot of financial stress. Our dog ran away, and that was so sad and horrible. Then we found her, 6 days later.
Once again, I am pondering life in general and what it all really means. Remember when you graduated from high school, and life was an open road, and you could do anything? And then you went to college, or not, and things became a little more realistic? And then you embarked on maybe a marriage or children, and still went "what the hell am I supposed to be doing?". Maybe? or maybe you are exactly where you want to be. If so, please let me know how you got there. I envisioned so many things for my future, and instead I feel like so many of them were totally diverted and instead I ended up in a big hole I can't seem to dig out of. I question how family is supposed to be the most important thing, but when certain family members disappoint you, sometimes over and over, you wonder what your left with. I suppose I will look back on this time and feel like I grew stronger from it, but so far?
Not at all.
Anyhow, on a happier note, I am so proud of my now 6th grader and how well she is doing. But the "tween" age?
Not so much. It is so hard adapting and hearing "you just don't understand mom, things are different now." Uh, what? I tell her how I would love to go back to her age, but she doesn't get it. Fun times....
I am excited for fall, my favorite season. Maybe that will bring me some perspective. In the meantime, I will try to just get through this time and figure out the true meaning of life. Ha.

Excuses

2007-06-11T09:02:00.000-07:00

I know that all of my readers have been impatiently waiting for me to update... ha ha ha... sorry that was rather funny! Okay, but really, anyone who may read from time to time please let me apologize for the long delays in posting. Some of my excuses include:

1. my sister is getting married and I have been helping her make some plans, etc..
2. I am essentially working 50+ hrs a week right now! enough said.
3. I have been having what you might call "spring fever" and every chance I get I have been wanting to be outdoors, enjoying the sunshine!
4. My daughter is getting out of school tomorrow for the next month and Omg, I have made no plans. No summer camp or anything yet. I am a slacker.

So these should help me out. We have been trying to do more "family fun" outings, and let me tell you, when you are working a ton, you sure do appreciate a day off. We have been taking advantage of where we live by going to the zoo, sea world, the beach and even the mountains for some hiking. I figure since I am going to live here (2yrs now!!), I might as well appreciate it and enjoy it. I still miss NC a ton, but I am accepting that we are here.
I just found out my best friend, who moved to another state right after we did, is now moving back to NC. I was so sad! Shouldn't you adjust to moving somewhere else a little quicker than 2 years? I really miss the slower pace of life. And the fireflies. And the sweet tea. And the thunderstorms. I suppose I just need to suck it up, and I have tried, but it's still hard. Don't get me wrong, San Diego is an awesome city. It's just not "home" to me now. Anyhow, I will try to continue to make the most of it.
Next week we are going to go to LA for a few days, can you believe we have never seen the "hollywood walk of fame" so we are going to go and have some fun.
Well, I hope everyone is doing well. I will try to catch up on some blogs, as I haven't had time for that, either! Have a great day!! :)

Don't drink a lot with your boss...

2007-05-21T10:39:00.000-07:00

Hello!! Sorry I have been such a sporadic blogger. Things are so busy!

So this weekend I worked a lot and my boss, who I adore, said "hey, you guys want to come over for some drinks after work?" Of course I said yes and an hour later we were at their house.
What happened after that is a blur. 2 delicious chocolate martinis (I'm a lightweight, ok???), and my drunken self then proceeded to do a fire dance around their fire pit in the yard, and then run to the house saying I had to pee. I mean RUN full speed because I had to GO! Only problem was that the sliding glass door was closed. And I couldn't see this. So I smashed right into into it and fell down! Luckily the door was fine, and I laughed so hard, as did everyone else. However, the next day? Um, I was rather embarassed. This wasn't just anyone, it was my damn BOSS! OMG!
So yeah, the moral is don't drink with your boss. Unless you want to get laughed at and never viewed the same way again. :)

To Mother's Everywhere

2007-05-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mother's out there!! I hope it was a most wonderful day!

I have been really pondering the meaning of Mother's Day and what it means to us. Did you know that the woman who "invented" Mother's Day was a woman who was never married and had no children of her own? That she dedicated it to honor her own mother, and she died a lonely, blind woman. Isn't that so sad? I heard this on the top 40 countdown, and it really made me think.
I was young when I had my daughter, 21, and I was pretty immature and I had a lot of growing up to do. I had a rough relationship with my own mother, and we were never really close. I was so afraid of being a mom and wondered how I would do it. Once I held my beautiful girl in my arms, I knew things would never be the same again. How can you go from only thinking about yourself to worrying constantly about doing every single thing right for your child. And what do you do when you make a mistake?? You see, for the better part of my life I have been somewhat bitter about my own mother. How she was abusive and mean and made me feel unworthy. I just didn't understand that. After I had my daughter, I began to think about how many things I could have done differently as a child/teenager. How I could have respected my mom a little bit more, and tried harder. How hard it must have been for my mom to have such a rebellious daughter. Ugh. It was hard to look at things from that perspective. I have managed to emotionally heal from all of that, and even have a somewhat of a normal relationship with my mom now.
I wanted to make everything "perfect" for my own daughter and never make the mistakes my mom made. So then, when things did happen, I would kinda freak out. But you know what? I have accepted that I will never be perfect. My daughter will make mistakes no matter what, because she has to live her own life and learn. All I know is that no matter what, I will always be there for her. And I am so lucky to be a mom, perfect or not. Being a mom is hard. It is no doubt the hardest thing I have ever and will ever do. It's amazing. And frustrating. And not often glamourous. I love it. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I can't believe how fast it is going, and I already grieve for the future when my daughter goes off on her own to live her own life.
In the meantime?? I will try a little bit harder to take 5 extra minutes to cuddle at night, to read that story, even when I am tired and just want to go to bed. I will try to be just a little more patient and loving, even when I feel like yelling. Time goes by so very fast. First it was kindergarten, and the tears in both of our eyes as she walked into class all by herself that first day. Then it was the day she asked me to not kiss her in front of her friends at school. Then it was the day she told me she wanted a "boyfriend" that she could go to the movies with. And the day she told me she hated me. And then she came back and said she was "sorry". It's hard. And amazing.
I look forward to all that is to come. We are all so fortunate to be Mother's. Hug your babies a little extra today and enjoy them!

How're You Doin??

2007-05-01T08:16:00.000-07:00

Do you remember this line from Joey on Friends?? Of course you do! Well, this is the line I got yesterday at lunch when I ran into a deli to get a sandwich. This guy must have been all of about 21 years old. He was just standing there staring at me and I ordered and then I was standing next to him waiting. Then he does this smile and head nod ...
Him: "How're you doin?"
Me: "good, thanks" (trying not to laugh)
Him: "You look good today!"
Me: "uh, thanks"
Him: "You wanna blow this joint and get a drink?"
Me: "No thanks dude, I am married, I have an 11 yr old, I am in a hurry to get back to work, and your like 21 years old!"
Him: "Oh. Well you still look good today, we could have had a good time."
Me: " Well, thanks for the offer, have a great day"
I grab my sandwich and run out. I could not stop laughing at the ridiculous-ness of that conversation. Seriously. Does that work on people?? I will admit though, it gave me a little bit of an ego boost. I felt good for the rest of the day!

Other than that, life has just been abnormally crazy. I am in the process of learning at 2 new jobs, and that in itself has me a little stressed. Hopefully I can get back to a little bit of a better posting schedule soon. I still owe Virginia Belle a meme from getting tagged like over a week ago. **Hopefully by tomorrow**

Oh, and I have been getting up early and going for a 4 mile run/walk 3 days a week. And I feel great!!!! Hmmm... maybe that's why deli boy noticed me. Ha Ha!

VT Tragedy

2007-04-17T11:02:00.000-07:00

I know this seems quite cliche, as everyone is talking about how horrible this is. When I found out yesterday I was in shock, along with everyone else. And then I went on with the rest of my day because I had to, and I didn't turn on the news because I didn't want my daughter to see it. And then she was talking to a friend on the phone and they told her, and she hung up and asked me "mom, why would someone shoot people they go to school with? Could that happen to me?".

And I truly almost lost it. The thing is, yes, it could. It could happen at any damn school at any time. How can we ever stop these kinds of tragedies from happening? How can I assure my daughter this would never happen to her? How can I not fight the urge to keep her home, and SAFE? It was ironic that today was her first day back at school from spring break, and I fought the urge to cry when I hugged her goodbye. I cannot get the image out of my head of students just getting up on a Monday, possibly dreading the week ahead, forcing themselves to go to class when maybe they just wanted to sleep in, and facing terror and death in the blink of an eye. I cannot imagine being the parent, not knowing if your baby is safe or not. Having to get on the internet and find the blogs or my space pages to see if anyone knows anything. It's so senseless. I will possibly never understand why someone would wake up in the morning and take a loaded gun somewhere with the intent to kill. I understand times can be hard. God I understand. But I also have found a way to keep going, and even when I am really mad with someone else, I have never thought about taking such a horrible measure. I am not really sure any of us will ever understand. I just feel incredibly sad, and scared, for my own child. You never know when it could be your last day. And I hate that it takes a tragedy like this to always remind us of this.

I have been learning of the victims all morning, and imagining what they must have been like. And how grief stricken their friends and family must be. And I have them all in my thoughts and prayers. I think that it would be a good day to hug your family a little tighter, or pick up the phone and tell them you love them, because you just never know. If only we would all live like this each and every day, the world would surely be a better place.

Random Things

2007-04-11T11:10:00.000-07:00

Hello Internet! I can't really say where the time has gone--I am so busy reading other's blogs that I often forget about mine, or I just don't have anything overly entertaining to discuss.

I was realizing this morning it is already the darn middle of April!! Where does the time go? Is it just me, or is it the older that I get the faster time seems to go? I used to really think that was cliche, but now I am finding it true. My grandma was right!!

So let's see. Easter was great. We had kinda forgot it was even that time of year, and then we hurried to get an easter basket ready and decide what to do. It was actually overcast and drizzly here, so we decided to go to Sea World, apparently along with the rest of Southern California. It was soo crowded, but fun anyhow. We went to the new Shamu show in which I actually cried. It was beautiful, about a little boy, and believing in his dream. I felt like a kid transformed by the magic of whale. Awesome. Then we went home and ordered pizza. How very un-traditonal, but very nice.
My daughter is in year-round school, and has been out for 2 weeks with another 1 to go, and I have to say I am ready for her to go back. We run out of entertaining things to do every day, and I just want to stay home, and then she tells me a million times how bored she is. Aaaaaah! So... back to school next week will be great. I love taking her to do stuff, but it gets tiring.

I have also been on several job interviews over the last week and I am now caught between 2 jobs, and I cannot make up my mind. They are totally different types of jobs, 1 with benefits and full time hours, and another that is more along the lines of what I have been doing, but with better leads and support, but still commission only, so I am completely torn. I need to decide by tomorrow, and I can't seem to do it. In-decision should have been my middle name. I have done the whole pro/con thing and yet I see great things in both. I wake up in the night stressed about it all. I keep waiting for some great thing to hit me and help me to decide, but so far...nothing!

Hmmmm... I think that is about all the randomness I have for now. I hope everyone had a great holiday and is having an awesome week! :)

Skiing and colds....

2007-04-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

Let me just start this by saying I am sick. Blah. I feel terrible. I am whiney and I can't breathe and my nose hurts from being permanently attached to the kleenex. It's great. I hate hate hate having a cold and not being able to breathe. It greatly sucks.

Okay. I'm all done with that for now.

Guess what I did this weekend???? I learned to ski and I LOVED IT!!! My husband has snowboared for years, and 2 years in a row we went and I tried to snowboard. I hated it. I could not get up and stay up on the board. The last time we tried, I had been sprawled out on the snow and my husband flew by me and then was going up the chairlift when he saw me. He yelled out "hi honey!", to which I responded with a middle finger and stomped down the mountain on foot in tears. Yeah, good times. Sooo, we decided to get away for a weekend trip and I told him he could do his own thing, I was going to take a lesson and try to ski, and our daughter took a kids class for snowboarding. To say I was nervous is an understatement, and while I waited at the "snow class meeting spot", I felt literally sick. I waited, and waited, and no one showed up. Then, finally some instructors came over. They asked me which class I was in, and then a cute girl came over to me, who must have been all of about 20 years old, and told me she was going to be my instructor. I asked her if she had a lot of patience, and she laughed and said yes! I almost cried (really), and we began. She was so great and I have to say that I found skiing so much easier than snowboarding. She said I did great! I then did it the rest of the day. On. My. Own. And I only fell once!! I feel like trying out for the olympics!!! I feel like a professional. It was so much fun. I only wish we had not waited until the end of the season. The snow was literally melting away while we were there. It was like 62 degrees! I cannot wait for next year!!

Then I woke up yesterday sick. Yeah. I think I will go back to bed and dream of my amazing athletic abilities. Woo Hoo.

Good Times

2007-03-20T10:51:00.001-07:00

Things have been a wee bit crazy lately. I am in the process of making some huge career decisions which could make a big impact on our finances, but also our family. So I am a tiny bit stressed.
No, make that a lot stressed.

In the meantime, we went to a birthday party over the weekend. It was for a wife of someone my husband works with, that I didn't know. I wasn't super excited about it, but we went. It was a formal affair, and when we walked in it totally reminded me of the prom. There were balloons everywhere and people posing in front of a background to get their pictures taken. Well, after 3 yummy drinks and some newly made friends (one of whom was gay and HILARIOUS), we danced the night away. I haven't done that in sooo long. It was so much fun that we are going to go out again this weekend. I can't wait!! Here is a pic of me and my hubby!

Well, it's another week, hope it's a great one!! American Idol is on again tonight, let' s see if people can get the voting right tonight!! :)

Weekend Excitement

2007-03-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

Weekends are great.
I love them.

We spent Saturday at a big skateboarding event for my daughter. It had tons of pros and most importantly (to my daughter), was seeing/meeting Tony Hawk. I remember him from, uh, you know, the 80's! So that was fun. The weather was amazing here this weekend--80's +, and then we went to the pool and hung out. It was like a great summer day.
Sunday we did more of the same, including playing tennis! Go us!!

Oh, and I got my new obsession. It's the great DVR. (like Tivo). Okay, I cannot tell you how long I have been recording shows on my little old VCR in my bedroom, but it's just the way it was. Then our cable box stopped working and so the cable guy had to come out and take a look at it. Then he said "you know, I can give you an updated box with the DVR, and it's only 9.95/mo". I said "really??". Then it was a done deal! And I love it. And I keep recording more shows. I already have like 10 things to watch from yesterday. Did you know you can fast forward through commercials??? And pause live TV? Oh.my.god. I am in love. And it's not a good thing. So forgive me if I am missing for a while. I will be glued to my couch and my remote.

What a great weekend, huh??

School Age Drama

2007-03-07T16:17:00.000-08:00

Remember those lazy days of elementary school? When you just ran around and played?? Gosh, they seemed so great to me. Then it was on to middle school and high school, and that's when I remember the mean kids starting in. Well, now it seems to be even earlier and I am at this point where I just don't know quite what to do.
Here's the story.
My daughter is in the 5th grade. She's super cute, blonde, great smile, friends with everyone. She is also a big tomboy, loves to skateboard and do everything the boys do. She has a best friend, who is a boy, and they hang out all the time. We get together as families and do things and it is great. Well now the kids at school have suddenly decided that she must really be gay (huh??) because she does boy stuff all the time. They also have decided to not be friends with both her and her friend. And they are mean to them. My always cheerful girl has become sullen and somewhat grumpy. She tells me what the kids have said each day and I hate it. The mommy part of me wants to go to school and kick some ass. I am not kidding. The other part of me trys to calmly tell her that these kids are being silly, and that's not even what gay means. I have tried to tell her this will pass, and she needs to keep being exactly who she is. She is somewhat stubborn and won't back down to kids when they are saying stuff to her. She told one of them to go to hell (oops) and of course a teacher heard her and she had to sit out at recess. I guess I just feel at a loss for how to help her. When I was growing up I was always made fun of for something, and it made me have a serious self confidence problem that I am probably still trying to get over. I just don't know when is that turning point of when it becomes a problem. I just hate watching my child go through that. You want to let them work through it and all that, but it is really hard. I could not talk to my mom growing up, so I kept my sadness to myself. At least my daughter shares her feelings with me, so I can help support her.
So I guess my question is, what would you do? Have you encountered this with your own kids? I also have been tempted to talk to some of the other parents, whose kids are behaving this way, but my daughter was HORRIFIED and said that would only make it worse. If my daughter was acting this way, I would want to know!
So any advice would be great!! Thanks!!

What is going on in the world???

2007-02-22T18:38:00.000-08:00

So I have been at home today with a terrible headache, and of course have been watching all the latest celebrity drama. Just when you think your life is rough, all you have to do is watch CNN or ET and it'll all feel better.
First up: the continuing Anna Nicole drama. Is it just me, or doesn't it seem logical she would want to be buried near her son? And why is there so much drama over this. The mother seems to just be out for attention. And Howard K Stern creeps me out. Larry Birkhead actually seems like the only somewhat normal one.

Second: Britney Spears.
Need I say more? She is losing it. I do have to admit I feel sorry for her. The poor girl cannot get a moment of time to her self with the crazy papparzzi following her everywhere! I would lose it, too. She is so young and has had so much go on in her life. I just hope she can get the help she needs and pull it together. The thought of K-Fed keeping the kids and being the "good one" is crazy to me. She just seems like a sweet girl who needs some help. Sad to me.

Third: American Idol. Is it me or does this years top 24 kinda suck? Or maybe I am still bitter about Chris Daughtry being voted off early last year. Seriously though?
No One is as good and enjoyable to watch as he was. So Hot!!!

Fourth: OMG! Tonight we will finally learn Meredith's fate on Grey's Anatomy. I Cannot Wait!!!!!
That's my exciting thoughts and concerns for the day! Oh, and we did finally get our taxes done and we are getting back money!! Woo Hoo! I guess my "pain" the other day paid off. And I promise to be much more organized this year. :)

Tax Time

2007-02-20T17:01:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one who finds tax time very confusing and frustrating?? So my conversation with my hubby went something like this approx. 1 month ago:

hubby: you know we have a tax appt on Feb. 21 , right?
me: yes, honey, of course.
hubby: you know you have to have all of your receipts itemized and input on our excel spreadsheet for the accountant, right?
me: yes, honey, of course.
hubby: you know it will take a while and you should get started now instead of waiting right?
me: yes, honey, I'll get started right away!

Flash forward to today, the day before the tax appt. I had to dig out receipts from the big manila envelope I have been stuffing them into all.year.long. Do you hear me? A whole year's worth of receipts in absolutely no order whatsoever. Do you know I have been sitting on the floor ALL DAY LONG organizing and trying to figure out what stacks they should go in and what can be written off and what can't and oh my god, I am totally losing it.
Next year this won't happen. My fantasy: I can just bring to the accountant my whole box full of receipts and they can organize and itemize them for me, at no charge!! ha!
Seriously, though? I hate taxes. And I really should have followed hubby's advice and started on this a month ago, rather than the day before. He was right, I was wrong.
**It's a good thing he won't read this and see that I actually said that!!** :)

Well, hopefully we'll get back some money and we can plan a vacation for the summertime! Then I will forget all of this pain and torture!

Bridge to Terabithia

2007-02-16T19:42:00.000-08:00

Wow. I just returned from going to see this movie with my 11yr old and husband. We loved it. We laughed, we cried. We held each other just a little tighter when we left. All I can say is it is totally worth going to see. I loved the book as a kid, and loved this movie.
Cherish your family and have an awesome weekend!! :)

Resolution progress...

2007-02-08T15:09:00.000-08:00

Well, we are now in month 2 of supposed New Years Resolution time.... Let's check in and see my progress so far...
1. Exercise more often and get healthy... check.
2. Lose the extra 10 pounds I've been wanting to lose...does it count if I've gained 4??
3. Cook more often for my family...does it also count if I've bought more "prepared meals" from the store??
4. Get ahead in my career, make it a great year...well, there have been a few complications and the need to actually change some things. sorta check.

Hmmm... okay so I guess I haven't done that well. I have worked on things, though! I guess I have also not been a very good blogger recently. We had our daughters birthday party, and it was so much fun!! If you have never played laser tag, GO!! I would have never thought I would have liked it, but it was a blast! It was like pretending your a fbi agent or something! So much fun! Then was my hubby's birthday, and he always gets a little jipped being right after our daughters. Then I had some drama with my work.
So I have a question for you...
How would you feel/react if a company you had worked for and believed in, did something you felt was wrong. Here is the general: in the time I have worked for said company, we have gone through 2 managers in a relatively short period of time. As soon as things get back on track, something happens. We were so happy about our latest manager, as he was very inspirational and motivating. Then we get the "memo" he has been "let go". So I called said manager and he told me he was treated really badly and unfairly. I am so frustrated and have lost my respect for the company. Thankfully, in my line of business I can go somewhere else, but it is still change. I hate change, especially in relation to jobs. What would you do? It really is a matter of principal, I feel. It's so frustating though.

On 2 totally different topics, did you watch Lost last night?? What did you think???

And, did you hear about Anna Nicole Smith? I can't believe it! I wasn't the biggest fan of hers, but it is still sad for her daughter. I am curious if there is a connection with the trim-spa she took. I actually tried that for a short time, but didn't like the way it made me feel (when it had the ephedra) so I stopped. Very Sad.

So those are all of my thought provoking ideas for the day! :)

I can see clearly now...(the rain is gone)

2007-01-31T10:57:00.000-08:00

You know that song, right?? I have no idea why it got into my head today, but it does suit the day. It rained all day yesterday, and I was out showing property all day. So I had no voice, yep, I have still been sick, and I was soaked. It was fun.
So this morning I had an early meeting and it was raining again, which meant everyone needed to drive like maniacs and get into accidents to cause me to be 30 minutes late to the meeting. Why is it that when it rains people freak out? I have never understood that.
Anyhow, the sun has peeked through and the rain is (almost) gone. I love it!
Not that it rains often here, but when it does, I remember how much I love the sunshine. I remember how lucky I am to live in a great place with great weather. *smile*
Sorry about the previous downer post. I am feeling much better. I think I had a slight case of pms.
In other exciting news, my baby is turning 11 tomorrow! I cannot believe it. My tiny baby girl has turned into a pre-adolescent who wears the same size shoes as me and is almost as tall as me, and takes pleasure in telling me so often. My "tomboy" is having a laser-tag birthday party. Should be a good time!! I have yet to get her a present. I am now getting to the point where I just don't know what to get her. She wants a cell phone, but that isn't happening, so I am at a loss. She got her big presents for christmas, so now I am not sure what to do. I guess I had better hurry up and decide...
Have a great day!!

where has the time gone?

2007-01-23T16:43:00.000-08:00

Wow. Seriously. Where has the time gone? What have we been doing over the last week?

1. The flu over took my family. Vomit, diarrhea, fatigue = fun times for all. Enough said.
2. The house has paid a price for this sickness. And yet here I am at the computer and not the overflowing sink full of dishes.
3. We squeezed in a 5th grade class field trip in which I realized wow, kids have sure changed from when I was a kid.
4. I felt old when I realized this.
5. I went shopping and found some really good deals.
6. I have been feeling really blue the last few days. Could be the sickness, cold weather and dirty house, but I just want to lay down and cry. Oh yeah, I have.

Well that was sure interesting. I'm sure you can't wait for more. I do know yesterday was the "most depressing day of the year", so maybe I can blame my sadness on that. I was shopping with a friend today and I was telling her sometimes I feel like I am going through a mid-life crisis or something. I don't really have anything wrong in my life, I just feel like I should be more. I feel sometimes like I have no time for me--I devote so much to being a wife and mother that I just don't do anything for me. It's not like I don't have the opportunity, yet I just don't know what to do anymore. It's strange and I guess it just needs it's whole own discussion. I think really I am just trying to still figure out "what I want to do with my life". Aren't you supposed to have that figured out in your 30's?? I have no idea when it will happen. I am stressed out and sad and I don't know why. Hopefully I'll get a good nites sleep and feel happy tomorrow! Thanks for listening. :)

Is it too much to ask for?

2007-01-10T17:47:00.000-08:00

So now that I am back (?) into the swing of things, with my kiddo back in school, I decided to catch up on some returns/exchanges from Christmas. I went into a department store that I won't name, and went directly to the handbag department. Working in retail part time, I noticed that no one greeted me through out the store, even when I am SURE I looked confused about where I was going, as it was a store I had not been in before. I let it slide, and finally found the area I was looking for. I went straight to the counter and stood there. And stood some more. And stood . Finally, in frustation, since the girl working there was standing by the register, obviously talking to a boyfriend or something, and said "excuse me"? She totally ignored me. At this point, I am feeling a little more than irritated, and I walk off to find someone else. I ask another person in the shoe department for help, and she tells me only the girl at the department can help me. So I go back to handbags. OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! She is still on the phone. I am fighting the urge to be rude. I tell her , loudly, I need some help. Seriously, is she not working? Is it not her job to help me? She tells her phone friend "some rude lady is here, I have to go". I tell her, I am not trying to be rude, but unless your on a break, you should be helping your customers. Do you work on commission? She says yes. I tell her in that case I am not going to buy my handbag here. But thanks anyways. And I leave. And you know what?? It felt damn good. Usually I never say anything, but I think that was ridiculous. I think I have no bigger pet peeve than bad customer service. Seriously, why do you think it's everywhere? I am actually surprised these days when I get good service anywhere. I don't think my expectations are too high. I have worked in a number of positions that require me to give good customer service, and I would like to think I have never failed. Well ok, maybe once, but it wasn't my fault! Another day and story! Anyhow, I didn't ever get my exchange done, but I think I will keep what I have versus going through that again. I wish I could have been witty enough to make the counter girl feel bad for how she was acting, but I didn't. Oh well.
One of my new years deals was to try and be nicer and more patient. Apparently I am failing at this so far. Hmmm.. at least I am sticking to trying to eat healthier and excercise more. Day 10, going well. How are the resolutions going for you all so far? What did you resolve to change or do differently?? I do want to know. Maybe we can be a support group for sticking to them! :)

Happy new years!!!!

2007-01-04T15:11:00.001-08:00

Happy 2007!! Okay, so it is a little late, but you know, I have been busy!

We had a lovely time for Christmas in New Mexico, where it was cold and snowy, and just christmas-y! It was the first time since high school (and that was a while back :)) that I had spent Christmas there, so it was really nice. I may have whined just a little that it was like 32 degrees the entire time and there was like a foot of snow, which didn't bode well for my new high heeled boots, but whatever. It was great.

New Years was spent at home in pajamas, and we watched the ball drop in New York at um, well, their time, which was 9pm here. And then I went to bed. Ahem, I was tired!
And so here we are. 2007. Where does the time go? And can I just say I am still entirely in vacation mode. Like I should be working more and I'm not. And I just want to shop a few more of the after christmas sales. I am pretty sure Target is cleaned out, although I may need to go back and check, just one more time. Who knows when I will need the choxie chocolate that is 75% off! As if I didn't gain enough weight with all the baked goods I've eaten over the last month.
And then there is the whole new years resolution thing. I have to say I have never been so good at this. I believe it is great to have goals and all, it just seems they should be set all year long. Okay, really, I just suck at this. I did decide to work even harder to make my business succeed, and to eat healthy and exercise more, yadda yadda yadda. So far I haven't done any of the above, but maybe next week. Oh yeah, maybe I should add stop procrastinating to that list. Maybe tomorrow. Anyways, hope everyone's new years was awesome!! I do look forward to getting to know even more of the amazing women I have "met" through this great blogging world. In the meantime, have a great day!!

Happy Holidays!!

2006-12-19T15:58:00.000-08:00

Well it is finally almost here! Sorry about the somewhat morbid post from yesterday!!! We attended our last work holiday party and it was a blast! You always forget how much you learn about your co-workers when there is an open bar involved. Hilarious! I met so many people I didn't know before and the things we talked about... ahem, anyways, it was a good time.

I just wanted to wish you all (2 of you??) a most happy holiday and merry christmas!! I hope it is everything you hope for and more! We are heading out of town Thursday morning for a week, to cold New Mexico, and we'll be back before New Years! I know tomorrow will be a little crazy getting everything ready.

Merry Christmas!!!

Death...

2006-12-18T17:09:00.000-08:00

**Fair warning that this may be a sad post**

This weekend my husband, daughter and I traveled to Arizona to attend my husband's grandfathers "funeral". While my husband had not had much contact with his grandfather for many years (complicated), we of course felt we should attend. It was wonderful to see his family almost in their entirety, and I met many I had never met before.
His grandfather had requested to be creamated and his ashes spread at the river, which is what the "funeral" was for. So we all boarded a huge boat, and traveled down the river to a spot he loved. The ashes were then spread by several family members over some beautiful flowers, and then everyone threw in a rose. (And a martini, his favorite). All in all, it was beautiful and touching. But of course it got me thinking, and I couldn't really share with my husband , because I felt it was rude, that there were an awful lot of ashes in the box. I was surprised by how they just kept coming out. It seemed strange. It was something I had never really thought of. I was also saddened at how it takes a death for the family to all get together and see each other. I know life is busy and complicated, but shouldn't we make the effort to see each other more than just when we die. How would his grandfather appreciate that? And would he know the difference if his ashes were spread at the river or kept in the box? It was, of course, more meaningful to all of us. I just found it so sad that we couldn't have enjoyed that boat ride last year with his grandfather. Especially at this holiday season, it just seems that we should really appreciate our family and friends and make the effor to let them know we love them.
You never know when it will be too late.

Christmas Spirit

2006-12-10T23:21:00.000-08:00

Well, call me overly emotional. Or hormonal. Or pms-ing. Whatever. I am so full of Christmas spirit today I can hardly stand it. I am just feeling so thankful for my little family. My husband who loves me, even when I am crazy and hormonal and completely irrational. (what do you mean you ate the last piece of lindt chocolate my grandma sent me for christmas, I need chocolate today, and now I just can't face the rest of the day, waaaah!!). See what I mean?? And my sweet tom-boy of a daughter, who told me she would think about wearing a "girly" shirt for Christmas dinner, only because she knows it would make me happy. Waaah! My baby is growing up!! And then we went out to dinner and the christmas lights everywhere were just making me feel so joyous I cried. And when hubby asked me what was wrong, I just told him, I just love the lights so much. They are so preeeeettty! I am a mess. It is okay, though, I just am going to sit here and look at my christmas tree a little while longer and then go to bed. And hopefully tomorrow I will wake up and be somewhat sane and rational. Just maybe.

Update!!

2006-12-07T16:45:00.000-08:00

Okay all, remember how the other day I was going crazy with love for my coach fantasy (handbag, people, not a real coach!!)?? So a most beloved friend of mine happens to work at a lovely department store and she gets an awesome discount!! So am I going to get this weekend?Yes the above metioned coach handbag. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. In my entire existance, I don't think I have ever spent a large amount of money on myself for anything. But you know what?? I work hard and feel like I deserve it! It will probably be my christmas, valentines, birthday and more present, but who cares!! I am so excited I feel like a kid on christmas eve!!! :)
Then, what happened?? I watched Rachel Ray today on TV, and this segment on how a mom gave up her childrens christmas to give it all to a woman and her kids who had lost everything in hurricane katrina. They got to meet at the end of the show and Rachel gave them toys and gift certificates and $40K to the mom who had lost everything. I was in tears!! So I went out to the mall and bought several toys to donate to the salvation army. It made me so thankful to have what I have and to be able to try to help out someone else. It also left me with overwhelming guilt at buying the again above-mentioned handbag. So who knows what will happen? You'd think this was a soap opera or something. Come on, keep it together!!
We also went to our first of several christmas parties last night, it was so fun!! It still seems a little hard to believe it is the holidays. I think it has something to do with the continued 70+ degree weather we have been having here. It is so nice, but I would almost prefer a little snow or something. This coming week we have 3 more parties! This should meet my quota of parties for the year! Seriously, the rest of the time I feel kinda boring!
So anyhow, Happy Thursday!!!

More reasons why I love Christmas

2006-12-04T16:32:00.000-08:00

So have you ever noticed that when you specifically go to the mall to buy christmas presents for anybody besides yourself, all you find are things for yourself? I couldn't find any of the items I was looking for (hello internet!), but I did find something I love and can't get off my mind. It is this most lovely purse that is so ridiculously un-needed and over-priced. It is this be-u-ti-ful Coach purse (above). I love it and I really want it for christmas. I have never paid so much for a handbag in my life. I guess I am just, um, cheap when it comes to these things. Shoes, now that is a whole other story!

Have you ever spent a ridiculous amount of money on something sort-of frivolous? I guess I always have this thought that there are soooo many other things that could be done with that money. Like save for my childs college education, or help feed the homeless. You know, valid, worthy things. So now I just feel selfish. But I know I will still dream of this lovely handbag. *Sigh*

1 thing to say

2006-12-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

Okay, I really just wanted to let you all know 1 thing. Have you ever been to Coldstone Creamery?? I hope you have one wherever you live. Because today I found a new love. I am obsessed and can think of nothing else.
I love love love love love the dark chocolate peppermint ice cream with the graham crackers mixed in. It is seriously better than sex. Okay, maybe not. But awfully damn close. Run, I repeat run, don't walk, to get some today. Who cares that it costs like $5 for a scoop of ice cream. It is totally worth it. And if your husband or friend or child or whoever asks for some, say no. Tell them to get their own.
Enjoy!! :)

Why I love Christmas Shopping... and why I don't!

2006-11-27T10:34:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, the joyous music in the air. The holiday lights sparkle. The scent of cookies and coffee wafts through the air. Aren't these things you love about Christmas? I know I do.

But wait! What is that? Oh yes, it is the rudeness that also fills the stores. You reach for that lovely cashmere sweater on the table, only to literally get shoved out of the way by another woman who grabs the sweater and doesn't bother to look at you. Then at the book store you are pushed and then when you finally get to the end of the line to pay, the cashier is not happy. You say "hello! Happy Holidays" and they just stare at you. Hello! What is it with people this time of year? I know it is crowded and people are in a hurry, but really. The holidays are supposed to be about the joys of the season. Happiness.

Yes, I thought it would be wise to go out this weekend and do some holiday shopping. I will share a sick little secret with you. I have always loved shopping with the crowds. Like right after thanksgiving. Something about the atmosphere and what it means. But this year? No. I thought "what am I doing here?". People were so rude and it just irritated me. So now? I will do the rest of my shopping via the great internet. Did you know today was "cyber Monday". Supposedly it is like black friday is, but for the internet. I had never heard of this before. So anyhow, I did get most of my big gifts bought, and I only have a few things left, which makes me feel happy. Then I won't have to battle those stores anymore. Even the grocery store was crazy this weekend.

So tell me, what do you love best about the holidays? How do you survive and keep the happiness? I still must say that I love Christmas Eve. I love the excitement of our tradition of leaving out carrots for the reindeer and cookies and milk for santa with a note. My daughter loves this. So happy beginning of the holidays to everyone!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

2006-11-22T16:07:00.000-08:00

Here's wishing everyone out in bloggerland a most wonderful Thanksgiving Day. Can you believe it is already here? We are planning on having a great day hanging out at home and just enjoying being together. We got a great honeybaked ham and turkey and of course great Cheesecake Factory cheesecake (my favorite part!). I think it is a perfect day just to reflect on the important things in life and remember that friends and family are most important!! :)

Do I dare say..the nostalgia?

2006-11-16T16:11:00.000-08:00

Well, let's just start by saying I will not give away my age. Not entirely. I will say that what sparked this was a little shopping trip in which I say that there are straight legged tight zipper jeans in stores. Not only this, but off the shoulder shirts, leggings (minus the feet), and I dare say I even saw LEG WARMERS! Do you even know what those are? You know the stylish ones worn in the 80's that came in hot pink and black and that you wore with your super cute pumps over your skinny legged jeans with the zippers and omg, like, the big hoop earrings!
Not that I would know anything about this, but seriously people? The 80's are back in style. And I am not going to be able to partake in this style. The first time around was bad enough. Is that not hilarious though?
Then, in the same damn day, I decided to go to the library to look for Nicholas Sparks newest book, which, by the way looks like it is going to be a real tearjerker, as all of his awesome books are. The damn part is that the library is located on the high school campus (combo HS/public library). Okay, that's not really the damn part, except that you have to walk clear to the back of the school to get there, thus passing the cheerleaders practicing and the football team practicing and the groups of kids hanging out watching both of these taking place and it hit me (this is the real damn part), I kinda miss high school! There, I said it out loud. Now really, I hated high school, but this was the fun part. I was kinda sorta a cheerleader (alternate) until I got suspended for some, um, underaged drinking, but I sure did love the cheering. And who can't reminisce about football players? I guess I just miss the social interactions that high school brought, where your life revolves around your friends and good times. So there. I said it. And I know there will be no taking it back. But it was like pure nostalgia.
Then I went and found my book and left and on the way out I heard a girl crying and telling her friend how much she hated "him" and what a jerk he was, because who would really choose a cheerleader over her? Oh yes, my nostalgia ended rather abruptly and I recalled how damn glad I am to NOT be in high school anymore. :) Oh, but seriously, those were good times... I may have to dig out my yearbooks. Fun Fun!

The Love of my life...

2006-11-13T16:30:00.000-08:00

Woo Hoo! This weekend was my 11 year wedding anniversary. Wow. It amazes me at times. Sometimes these years have dragged by, and sometimes they have flown by. We have had our share of struggles, but we have made it this far!! I am truly proud of that.
So what did we do? We dropped off our daughter at my family's house for 3 whole days. I love my daughter dearly, but it was soooo great to have some time to ourself. We slept in late, we went out to dinner at like 8 or 9pm (gasp!) and just got to do whatever we wanted. We drove up to a super cute little town and ate apple pie and home-cooked-type food, and then hiked a 4 mile hike. I had actually forgot my tennis shoes at my sisters house, so I hiked in my flip flops (go me). But I made it. It was so great. It was over just a little too quickly.
The whole anniversary thing made me really ponder how we made it this far. From that beginning "early love" to getting married and having a baby and moving back and forth across the freaking country, we have definitely had our fair share of stressful moments. But honestly, you know what? He is my best friend. And even though he does definitely drive me crazy at times, it is he who I want to call first the moment something great (or bad) happens. It is he who I cannot imagine my life without. It is he who encourages me when I feel like I can't do something, andhe who makes me do it anyways. I have found out who I am in life with a lot of help from him. And for that I am forever grateful. And it makes me strive to be an even better wife each and every year. I want us to continue to do the "little things" that make life interesting and fun.

*on a complete sidenote, I could also continue eating dinner out every night at PF Changs and Cheesecake factory and be a very happy wife* :)

Why I love warm days

2006-11-06T14:08:00.000-08:00

Please don't hate me. I cannot help that it is 86 degrees here today (for November!) and I just got back from the pool. I cannot help that it is sunny and gorgeous and I have every window open in my house. I am sitting in my back yard sipping my iced venti nonfat caramel macchiato. I feel as though I am in heaven. It is wonderful. I had a day off today. I chose to not clean the house. Not to do "just a little work". I hung out and did my almost 2 mile run (woo hoo), then I have sat around all day and "relax". Truly wonderful.
I love days like this...

Since the time change...

2006-11-05T17:36:00.000-08:00

Okay. Here it is. I am seriously getting old.

The time change was when?? Last weekend? Since this occurance, I have been exhausted. I go to bed at like 9pm, and wake at 6-6:30am. That's approx. 9 hrs sleep. And I AM STILL TIRED!! It gets dark right about 5:30pm and I am ready to go to bed. It is all I can do to keep my eyes open. What the hell is going on? It's killing me!! I have a work mtg tonight at 7:30pm, and I don't even know how I am going to make it through. Anyone else having this trouble?? Imagine a whole blog post centered around being tired. Oh, and old. Geez!!

Other than my tiredness, this weekend was pretty busy! I worked an event downtown and met soooo many great people. I always love being able to just mingle and meet new people. Sometimes life seems centered around such a small group of people, and then you meet new people and wonder why you haven't met them before! I met some great people that I am so excited to get to know better.

I also have had a major baby bug this weekend. A friend of mine just found out she's pregnant, and it made me so excited for her, and sad for me. I have (almost) excepted that maybe I will not have any more children, but, I feel my heart ache just a little any time I see a baby! I guess I am just a mess this weekend! Hmmmmm...maybe I need some more sleep! Really. I think I may need to take a quick nap. Hope everyone had a marvelous weekend!! Tomorrow is Monday (again). They come way too quick. :)

I miss my friend...

2006-11-01T16:42:00.000-08:00

You will know exactly who I am talking about. The one friend you made at some point in your life who seems to just be part of you. The one who, the moment you met her, just seemed to fit right in to everything you are. The one who can finish your sentences and will give you honest advice, even when it hurts. The one who is there when you cry, and there when you laugh. The one who you can call at any hour or minute of the day or night and you don't even think twice, because she can do the same thing. The one you can share intimate details of your marriage (or relationship) with, and you know they will be kept a secret. The one who gives birth and you feel as though it is your child, too. I have never had a ton of friends. I have always had a couple good friends, and over the years, through moving, or just growing up, we have lost contact. But my good friend, S, is seriously one who has kept me going for years. We met at the end of our senior year of high school, and actually kept in touch. We were there through thick and thin together. When she moved away, I felt as though a death had happened. Sure, we kept in touch. But I sure missed her. Then we decided to move to where she was, because, you know a. home prices were much lower there b. we already had a friend there c. we needed a change. So off we moved to NC. Life happened. We loved hanging out and being close, and I guess I just took for granted that I had such an awesome friend. 6 yrs went by, and we decided that we wanted to move back and be close to family again. S also had gotten married and had a baby, and they were relocating out of state for a job a month after us. So that made it easier. But today I realized I have not seen her in 1.5 yrs. She is now giving birth to her 2nd baby. And I am not there. And I miss her terribly. And some days you just want to go grab coffee and hang out with someone who knows you so well. Honestly, it is work to make friends. I never realized this until we moved back and I realized that I knew no one here and it sucks. I have made "friends", but none are the same as S. Should I compare this way? Should I linger on this? I guess I just realized how sad this makes me. Sure, we talk on the phone every week, but then one or the other of us has to go, because a baby is crying, or I have to run to work, or something is going on in life. We always pick up where we left off, and I know it will be so great when we finally get to see each other again. But in the meantime, I just really miss my friend. It seems like the older you get, the harder it is to make friends. Life just gets busier as we get older, I suppose, and you don't have as much time for friends. Or people are just at so many different stages in their lives. It's hard to relate sometimes. Of course, I have my husband who is my best friend, but you just need that female connection, too. So S, I so wish I was there with you today. You are about to give birth to a beautiful baby boy. I miss you.

Halloween Funny/Scary

2006-10-26T16:05:00.000-07:00

Does anyone have a great, creative halloween costume idea? As the day sneaks up upon us, I have to admit I am so not creative when it comes to costumes. As a child, I was always something cliche, like a witch or a cheerleader. Very Original. For my daughter, she always picks what she wants each year, which usually entails going to the disney or party store. I always laugh at the grown-up costumes, like the maid or the other crazy outfits. I always thought it would be very fun to be something original and funny. Then I was just watching "Ellen". She must have read my mind. She had a kid halloween fashion show which was hilarious. Some of the kids were Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise and baby Suri (so funny), and another was McSteamy (from Grey's Anatomy), he was wearing one of those muscle t-shirts. And then Ellen came out wearing a pink t-shirt with a converse shoe strapped to her head. Any guesses? Gum on the bottom of a shoe. I cracked up. Definitely original. Can I copy?? Anyhow, I guess I just thought that for a change I would actually dress up. My husband was going to wear a "vote for pedro" shirt and an wig. Kinda funny. We have some friends who invited us to their restuarant for a dress-up dinner and I was just really trying to do it. They are inviting dogs, too. And they can dress up. My dogs costume? A witch. It's totally cute with a little hat and a green/purple cape. I will definitely post some pictures of her! Anyhow, if you have any great ideas or stories, let me know!
Oh, I also have a great story--the other night we went on a ghost walking tour of downtown.
Now, regardless of your beliefs on ghosts, which I have never been sure about, I have to say I was freaked out! We went back to a house that is supposedly dubbed the "most haunted house downtown", and it used to be a "hospital" for soldiers, however the family that ran it did not have any medical skills, so it didn't work out well for the soldiers, most of them died. So the story is that the soldiers haunt the home, and had killed the woman of the house. The workers told us some "true" stories, and they recently had a woman named Alison, whom the show "Medium" is based upon, come in and do a seance and stay the night. She said it was a home full of spirits, and while sleeping in her bed that night (one the soliders would sleep in and die in), it starting moving/shaking uncontrollably and she could not get out. She also talked to one of the guides of the home and told him she came across his dead father and knew details of his childhood there was no way she could have known. Then, while upstairs looking around my daughter was walking in front of us, and suddenly whipped around and asked me why I did that. I asked her what, and she said "I felt you put your hand on my shoulder!". But, we had not touched her. Freaked me out. I felt pressure all around us, like I was claustorphobic (sorry for the spelling), and it really was scary. I don't know if it was just the stories and all, but I really wanted to leave that house. In a hurry. So we did. So, who knows ? I guess we could delve deeper into the unknown theories, but It made me really wonder about an "afterlife" of sorts, and why there may be ghosts? Are they just "disgruntled spirits" ? I dont' know. But if you get the chance to do something like this, check it out. It was kinda fun to get into the spirit!
No pun intended! Ha! Happy Early Halloween!!

The one where I freak out!

2006-10-17T17:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, so brought to my attention by a fellow blogger, I just realized today that it is ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!! This stresses me out for more reasons than I can say. I have some, no many, issues with this time of year. As a child, my holidays were not very good, as my mother wasn't really too nice to me and I got 1 present and my sister got everything she wanted. I am over this now(am I??), but when I had my own daughter I kinda went overboard with the whole "make sure she has everything I never had" thing. So now I am in the situation where we moved back to CA just about 1.5 years ago, and all I can say is that we have not made the money we had hoped we would in the real estate market. So this Christmas is not going to be the most glorious. And has anyone ever noticed that the older kids get, the more expensive their "toys" seem to get? So my whole "mommy guilt" thing kicks in and I freak out! I don't know what it is. I'd like to think I am generally a calm person, (well, maybe?), but not this time of year. And I am going to be thrust into the middle of it because I have picked up a part-time retail job for the holidays at Ann Taylor Loft. Yeah me. Seriously, though, they have awesome clothes and I get a great discount. And the shoes. And the handbags.... oh, sorry, I guess I strayed. Anyhow, does anyone have any wonderful stories/suggestions for keeping it together for the holidays? How do you not spend a fortune and still make it special? You don't want your kids to know that you just don't have much money to spend, but yet you don't want them to have high expectations and then be crushed. Oh holidays!
And on a side note, I do know that the meaning of Christmas should be something along the lines of being thankful for family and friends. I know this. And I will try to remember!

Random thoughts

2006-10-13T11:31:00.000-07:00

Sooo, I just wanted to say how excited I am that last nite while I was buying some beer and wine at the grocery store (the weekend is coming up, people), I actually got carded. I was so excited I flipped open my wallet, dropped it on the floor, change spilled everywhere, and the nice bagger boy went to help pick it up and I banged my head into his. Geez, all this over getting carded. I told the cashier "wow, thanks, that made my nite", and the bagger boy said "you only look like your about 20!". I love this boy. Little things in life. :)

Also, I just wanted to say that I found this new place opening by my house called "my girlfriends kitchen". It's a place set up to go in, they have a menu and ingredients for 12 different dinners, you spend 2 hours making the meals, packaging them and then bring them home and freeze them. I love to eat, however the cooking part I just don't have time for. My husband calls me the "freezer queen" because I love to buy frozen meals and just put them in the oven. Seriously though, is this not a great invention? It costs I think $200 for 12 meals which feed 4-6 people. That means enough for left overs. You would probably spend that much in ingredients and time spent on your own. I am just so excited about this. I think there are places like this popping up all over the place with different names. Just think, you could be eating "homemade food" that is quick and easy. I'm all for it. Little things in life. (again).

This weekend is the Miramar Air Show here, which is , I believe, one of the biggest air shows in the U.S.-- the one where the Blue Angels do a show. Now I am not big on stuff like this normally, but this one is truly amazing. The Blue Angels are sooo amazing. I always watch them in disbelief while they fly through the air at like 12oo mi. per hour doing crazy tricks just inches from each other. I always get goose bumps! They play great patriotic music that always makes me cry too! ( I know, I am a total softie girl!) I love this thing! Little things in life (take 3). Can't wait!

My dog has fleas. I know. It is yukky. I thought she was itching an awful lot, but we have never had this problem!! So I went and got her some flea medication and shampoo. I was looking at her belly, which is hard because she is a husky and has lots of hair, but I saw the little black things all over. OMG! I don't even know how or why she would get these. It has me kind of grossed out that there are bugs in my house. I am vaccuuming a lot. This is a little thing that I don't like.
Neither does my dog.

Have a great weekend!!

Fall Fever

2006-10-11T12:33:00.000-07:00

What is it about the crisp, cool weather and wearing sweaters and boots and eating LOTS of chocolate (bought for trick-or-treaters, of course) that makes me want to quit working and just hang out?? I want to go walk around Balboa Park and drink hot caramel macchiatos and snuggle up with a good book and feel the heat from a fireplace. I know, I am in San Diego, so it's not that cold, but it is kinda chilly out. I miss the fall colors and true cold of North Carolina right now. So all of the above mentioned will have to do. I am having a problem with self control right now when it comes to candy, though. I buy some every time I go to the store!! It's on sale. Does that work? And today, I am so proud, I actually bought 2 Christmas presents. Like ahead of time. Not the week before Christmas. This is quite an acheivement for me. So what does the fall do to you? What things do you love? What can we all appreciate before we get into the crazy holiday season. Does it seem to anyone else like this always comes way too quickly? I would like to just stay in the fall awhile longer. In the meantime, oh yeah, I guess I had better get to work!

Take time with your kids

2006-10-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

(warning, this is a TOTAL mom blog about kids!!)
So... here goes my emotional thought about kids. I just finished reading an awesome, sad, true kind of book "The Pact" by Jodi Picoult (bought at Costco for like $4.93). I won't give away the whole storyline in case anyone wants to read it, but to sum it up, it is the story of how parents often don't really know their kids. You think you do, you talk with them, but how much DO YOU REALLY KNOW??? It has reminded me, even though my "baby" is 10, you need to do more than just ask "how was your day?", but not really hear the answer, or not really hear what may behind the answer "fine", or "ok". Sometimes even the most small moment can affect a child's life, and they need to have you there, every day, asking and caring about their day. We all love our kids dearly, but we sometimes get so very caught up in our own life that we think everything is fine. I am totally guilty of this. But, we need to be there for our kids, whether they are 10 or 20! We all remember the days when our own parents thought they knew where we were and what we were doing, but where were we REALLY?? Okay, well at least that was the case for me. So, anyhow, just wanted to remind all of us moms out there that it just takes a few extra minutes a day to really get to know our kids. Be sincere, show them you love them and are interested in what is going on. I love the saying that goes "Live, laugh and love often". What could be more important?

Sucked into T.V. land

2006-10-05T16:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, for all of you devoted readers (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha), I have been very busy people! Busy watching the maaaanny tv shows back on the air for fall, along with a few new ones. What I have found is the need to finally purchase the great and almighty tivo, or maybe just get the dvr from the cable company. (any suggestions on which is better?) I have found that my tv style doesn't really have 1 favorite, I love them all. I am devoted to Lost, Survivor, One Tree Hill (don't laugh!), the Office, CSI, and several new ones including The Nine (did anyone see this? I loved it!), oh and the new Heroes (awesome!). I am sure there are more, they just aren't coming to me at this moment. So while I am trying to work and make some money (minor details), I have taken a 2nd part time job, and being a mom, and a wife, and finding time for blogging and watching tv!! What did I ever did with my time before all of these things? Seems like life MUST have been boring. I can't seem to remember. I do know that there are now too many shows to watch each nite, as some are on at the same time! Gah. I hate this. I have been busily wearing out my good old VCR, yes I said VCR, in my bedroom with all of these shows. It finally died last nite, I do believe. Very sad. So I guess a trip to Best Buy is now needed. And now I remember that I have shows coming on again tonight, and omg, I really need to go get a tivo. Thanks people, it has been great, but I must go now!! :)

Thankful

2006-09-27T11:01:00.000-07:00

Today for whatever reason I woke up in a gruuummppy mood. I had to be at a 7:30am meeting and I was late getting up, getting ready, and leaving. Of course there was slammed stopped traffic on the friendly freeway and I knew there was no goddamned way I was going to make it on time. Why was there so much traffic??? Turns out there was an accident, like there often is, however today it was a mini-van wrecked into the side of a median. I realized that there was no one yet on the scene--no ambulance or policeman. As I get closer I see a pregnant woman getting out of the passenger side, crying and bloody. Oh.my.god. Why is no one there? I see car seats in the van. I decide quickly to pull over on the shoulder in front of her and I run over to her. I ask her if she is okay, and she is just bawling and then I hear the kids crying. She can't open the door to get them out. Then she tells me she is in labor. I felt as though it was one of the moments where you are living it, but not. I quickly dial 911 and get her over to my car to sit. I tell her to stay calm and I will help the children. She cannot even talk. I go back to the passenger front door and climb through to get her 2 kids. 1 boy who looks to be about 2 and a girl who looks about 3. They are both hysterical and scared. I don't know why but I start to sing to them "itsy bitsy spider" and they both stop and look at me. Quite possibly my singing was scarier than the traumatic event they had just encountered. Then I hear the sirens. Thank god. They ambulance pulls up and I tell them about mom. They go talk with her and get her husbands name/number to call and check out the kids. They get everyone situated and tell me they have a police officer coming for the kids and will meet their dad. I am finally free to leave. The mom gets up and gives me a hug and thanks me. Just that simple saying "Thank You" gave me a swell in my throat and I cried. I don't know why. I am just so thankful that she and her kids were ok. Did I make it to my meeting? no. Do I care? no. I just went back home and gave my own husband and daughter hugs. Sometimes it's just the little things that matter.

Things I do with my spare time

2006-09-19T19:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I have to admit, I don't have much spare time, but when I do... these are just some of the things I do...
1. Occasionally attend great concerts, such as Drake Bell. Come on, don't say "who"?? The one and only Drake, from Drake and Josh. Nickolodeon, people? Sheesh. Well, we went (myself, my hubby and our 10yr old screaming girl). It was great. I am not ashamed to admit this.

2. Spend FOREVER in line at target, just waiting to check out with my 3 items. This because apparently they only hire 2 checkers to work at any given time.

3. Ditto above, but for the grocery store.

4. Go to Costco, where I spend way too much time eating samples and looking at Christmas, yes I said Christmas, decorations.

5. Sit in rush hour traffic, because, well , it is a given any time after 3pm.

6. Get home, cook, eat, clean up. Then, finally, I sit down to watch mindless television. How I truly love this. Deal or no deal, anyone??? I mean, really, just pick 2 more briefcases!!
No Deal!!! OMG! This show kills me. Remember, I did say, mindless.

There, a brief synopsis of my productive day, and how I love to spend a day off. Anyone have a better idea??

Why is it...

2006-09-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

Okay. breathe. relax... Why is it that when job hunting you get turned down because:
a. you are too qualified
b. you are not qualified enough
c. you need more experience, but the only way to get more experience is to work for us, but because you aren't experienced enough, you can't work for us.
Huh?
Is anyone else as confused as I am? How does this make sense??
So, a little background.
I went into Real Estate for a variety of reasons. Many were directly related to the fact that I have had some terrible experiences with realtors and I wanted to be better and different. I love helping people realize their dream of home ownership. It is an awesome job. That being said, anyone who lives in California knows that the market here has changed significantly and it is becoming harder and harder to sell their home. This also directly affects me, as I don't get paid unless I sell a home for someone or help them to buy one. People are cautious right now, which is understandable. However, this has led me to look at how I can sustain myself financially. So.... I thought I would try out new home sales. But every freaking place wants at least 3 years of new home sales experience. Great. I don't have that. How can I do it? By working for new home sales. Do you see the problem with this? It is so frustrating. So I am at a cross roads of what to do. There are so many bad realtors out there, and I am hoping those ones will leave the business. I want to continue in real estate, I just need to figure out how to get more business. I am not one of those hard sale crazy kind, I just love to help people and I work really hard for them. So we will see what happens.
On a side note, is anyone else going to watch the new "Survivor" starting tonight. I have a slight addiction to like ALL reality shows, however I am not sure about this new one. Divided by race?? what?? It seems like a plow purely to gain attention, as this is one of the older,original reality shows. What is the point of this? To segregate people more and show some are better than others? I get mad just thinking about it. I will still watch it to see what it really is trying to accomplish and we will see. I am excited about the new fall shows starting back up. I hate the summer tv--sooo boring.
Have a wonderful day!!

the day after...

2006-09-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

Whew. What a day yesterday was. I guess I will echo the voice of others when I say just how tough yesterday truly was. 5 years. It seems like just yesterday. It probably did not help that I put myself in a self-induced state of sadness by watching endless 9/11 shows all day and nite. I cried with the widows, I cried at the sights, I cried at the tributes, I cried at the heroism, I cried at the thought of all of the people I did not know and how I wished I would have known them. I cried. A Lot. And now it is 9/12/06. And I went to work and life seemed normal.
But I did not feel normal. I wondered why the hell we were even there. I wondered why it seemed ok for people to laugh and talk about their lives as though it wasn't just the anniversary. I wondered and then I just felt mad. How can we say we learned from 9/11 when we forget it in 1 day? I was so very touched by the 9/11 tributes yesterday, yet they left me with a hole in my heart. I can't seem to pull myself together. I wonder sometimes if I am the only one who today feels so very traumatized by this still. I wonder what will make it better and how I can make the world just a tiny bit better. I know this is depressing and not the least bit entertaining, but I guess I am just trying to make sense and find a way to pull myself up. But I guess it is not going to happen today. I just feel sad. What lessons have been learned? Is there anything you have taken from this tragedy and applied to your life every day since 9/11? I would love to know what it is, to know there is hope for our country. Peace.

9/11 Tribute to Kevin Dennis

2006-09-08T14:26:00.000-07:00

This is in tribute to Kevin Dennis, 43, who died in the terrorist attacks on 9/11/01 at the 101st floor of the North World Trade Center.
Nothing said can ever make this day any less tragic than it was. I am so sorry for the loss of this family. This is a day we all remember, recognize, and pay tribute to those wonderful people who lost their lives that day. I remember Kevin Dennis. I remember the tears shed by the president of his company that day, searching for any of his many employees of Cantor Fitzgerald. They lost 658 employees in their company that day. Over 2/3rds of their employees gone in a single day. Kevin was the vice president of Cantor Fitzgerald. He was originally from the gold coast(England), but became a US based stock broker. He was married to his american wife, Debra, and together they had twin sons, Ryan and Elliot. He was the only beloved child of his "mum". He was mentioned in memorandums as a kind, well liked man. I wish I could have found more information on Kevin and his life, as I am sure he was such a wonderful person. Today let us remember Kevin, and celebrate the memory he left behind.
It is 5 years later, yet this day will be forever in all of our minds. How can we move forward? How have we moved forward? How can we make this a better place for our own children, to help ensure they NEVER have to go through something so tragic? I wish I had the answers, but I don't. I can only shed tears today as I look back on this day, and pay tribute to just 1 of the victims. I wish I would have had a chance to know Kevin, he and his family seem wonderful. The picture of his sons with him above is enough to make anyone cry. I wish them well and hope that his 2 sons are well and happy. May this day bring you happy memories of your father/husband/son/friend, etc.. and let the happiness from that outweigh the tragedy of this day.

Off for a few days

2006-09-08T14:22:00.000-07:00

Well we are going out of town for the weekend and will be back on Monday. Exciting, huh?
Not that I have a huge audience of readers or anything. But just thought I would mention it, JUST IN CASE. And can I just say that I am saddened so much by the death of Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. He has been a staple in our lives for so many years. It is just so sad for his wife and 2 young children. I feel like I have lost a friend. Why is it that we take things like this personal?? I just don't know, but "Crikey, I will miss Steve".

Fall already??

2006-09-07T22:07:00.000-07:00

It's that joyous time of year once again. You know, the time when the air is crisp (well here's hoping anyways), the great fall fashions and boots are back in stores, the stores are already full of halloween candy and even (what??) thanksgiving items. Oh yes, let's not forget, above all else, BACK TO SCHOOL. Woo hoo!
Now I must say, life in sunny CA is great, lovely weather, BUT... I sure do miss
North Carolina this time of year. Where the air was truly crisp and the leaves changed to all sorts of beautiful colors. And the start of hockey season is near. Gotta love that. It's definitely much more popular on the east coast than here, but I will be following it when I can. Okay, sorry, did I digress?? School. Yes, it is back and while I love spending time with my daughter, I can't help but feel a little happy that I won't have to find so much daily entertainment for her. And, oh yes, a little time to go to the gym again (what is that again?). Yea for me. Other than that, life has been a little busy and hectic with work. While typically this is the start of the "slow down" time of year for real estate, I have been very busy the last few weeks. That's always a good thing. Well, it is still quite hot and doesn't feel much like fall, actually I guess it's not officially fall yet, but close enough. A cool down would sure be welcomed. Well, enough for now. But have a celebratory drink to fall ... and school! Cheers!

girls rock!

2006-08-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

I am always on the look-out for cool ways to entertain my daughter. You see, she is a complete and utter tomboy. We are so completely opposite that at times I am at a loss for how to relate to her. Uh-oh, trouble for the later years? I hope not. Well anyhow, I have a daughter who LOVES Skateboarding. Loves it. I would, and have tried, to kill myself while trying. Which is why I was so excited when I read about a group called girls get on board . This is an awesome group of girls ,who happen to have been successful in a variety of things like the X games, and who have started this group which puts on clinics and events just for girls. You see, it is a boys world out there when it comes to skateboarding. When you go to the local skateparks, boys are rude to the girls, they tell them they are "just girls" and tell them " they can't hold their own against the boys", etc... So this group did a clinic this weekend for girls, to give them help with tricks, etc.. , but really it was a great way for my daughter to see other girls who have been successful in the sport and to help build her confidence. I just think it is so important that we find ways to teach our daughters that they really can do anything they want. I sometimes feel stressed out by my daughters independence. She is sooo headstrong and stubborn. But then I try to remind myself that these are such great attributes to have as an adult. My daughter is growing up so different from how I did. I was never told I could do anything, and I still struggle with that. I just hope that kids will respect her and not be mean to her. She has already encountered that some. It just kills me. But again, I remind her to be who she is. And this clinic and these awesome girls this weekend helped with that. So my motto today is "girls rock"! They can do everything a boy can do. I am so proud to help instill that in my daughter. If you have a daughter, check out this group. They do skateboarding, surfing, moto-cross, and a few other sports as well. Awesome!

sadness

2006-08-23T18:33:00.000-07:00

I feel sad. This was brought on by the awesome blog that I discovered today themotherless.com . I , as a relatively new blogger, sometimes am not sure what to write about or how far to go with that. So for my own reasons I will talk somewhat about why I am me. I grew up in a small town . I was born at a tumultous time in my mother and father's life. She was 21, he was 20. They were young and irresponsible. I came along and their marriage ended. Then came the drama of violent fights and alcohol. Lots of alcohol. I got sent away to live with my grandmother for a while. Then I went back to my mother. When I was 3, my mother met my stepfather, but really my DAD. They got married and I never saw my father who moved away. Life went on and my mom and DAD had a daughter of their own when I was 10. I need to be clear, I LOVE my sister dearly. She was the one thing besides my DAD that I loved so much. But life changed after her birth. I went from having "somewhat" of a normal life to becoming an object of my mothers anger. Maybe it stemmed from her own issues with her own life. I suppose I will never know. But I became the object of much violence and hate from my mother. Years of abuse and hate made for a very sad me. I moved away at 17, ironically to live with my father who I had never really known. He has a whole other set of issues and while I love his family (kids he had with my stepmother), I really can't stand him. I got out of that situation as quickly as I was financially able, and met my husband, got married, and had my own daughter at 22. I guess I sometimes feel as though I am past all of this now, but this above mentioned blog triggered the anger that I now feel at being essentially motherless throughout my life. When other friends talk of their close relationship with their own mothers, I can't help but feel cheated. What did I do to deserve my childhood? What did I do to make my own mother not love me? How can I make sure that my own daughter will always feel loved by her mom. That she will never understand what I am writing of today. I am sure this is why I over-compensate for my daughter, always trying to do everything for her. I just want to do everything right, so that she will grow up happy and well-adjusted. When I talk sometimes with my husband of my childhood, he looks at me with her mouth gaping open, in disbelief. He is my rock who has taught me that I am a good person. I can't believe it sometimes, but I continue to try. Often times I think we feel as though we are the only ones to feel the way we feel, and it sure is nice to know other's out there understand. So I will back to happy tomorrow, but I think for today I will continue to feel sad just a little while longer.

when did I become "mam"?

2006-08-21T11:04:00.000-07:00

Well there comes a time in everyones life when I suppose this must happen. I am at the grocery store and a "young" woman comes up to me and says "excuse me, mam?" . I stare at her stupidly and look around me for who she must be talking to. hmmm, no one there. She says it again. I say "are you talking to me?" she says "yes, where are the ...", frankly, I don't remember what she said. I just couldn't believe she called me mam. What is going on? I don't consider myself old, just "thirty-something". I guess it was a polite thing, but I just didn't know what to do with that. Hmmmm, I am feeling old. On that same note, do you know that I just bought concert tickets to see Drake Bell from Nickolodeon's Drake and Josh show? wait, no I am not a sicko, it's to take my 10yr old daughter. But I really laughed about that one. Gone are my ultimate cool days, you know, back when I went to concerts like Def Leopard and U2.
Now I am forced to see Drake Bell and American Idol tour.
And do you know what? I like it. So I digress, but that reminded me, I really shouldn't be called mam, right??

Metabolism, metabolism, where art my metabolism??

2006-08-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

I just want to know, what is it with turning 30+?? I remember a time, long, long ago when I could eat anything and be just fine.
Now it seems as though even if I starve myself for days and days I gain weight. I have seriously begun to wonder what.the.hell? Let me back up...this all started when I decided to go through my closet and look for something other than the 3 skirts and 1 pair of pants I always seem to wear. Sooo I thought I would try on some clothes from last "season" and lo and behold what?? I can't zip them up!!!!! Grrrrrr... Is there a time in your life when you just don't care anymore? I guess I am not there yet. I still want to be an attractive wife and mom. I still want to be able to wear a mini-skirt. I am not sure what is going on here. I try to walk and/or run several times a week. I know it is a ridiculous problem, but I want to look good when I go to work! I want to make sure my husband will always find me attractive. So girls out there, let me ask you, what do you do to stay in shape? Without being extreme. I would love to say I go to the gym, but truth be told, I would much rather sit my butt on the couch. Hmmm, maybe this is the problem. Anyhow, anyone with any great ideas? Please help! I would love to zip my skirt up! Thanks!

What a Week!

2006-08-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

I must say this has been a trying week! I have to say that my post yesterday was not meant, IN ANY WAY, to say anything negative about working moms! I am one, and I know how hard it is to juggle everything. Sometimes you just need some time for (gasp!) yourself. I completely understand that. I , again, will say that it is probably my "mommy guilt" that is making me do crazy things. I only meant that sometimes parents complain that they don't like the way things are done, but they don't help to change them. So don't complain! I have the most respect for anyone working and trying to balance out a life for their children. It is hard!!

On an unrelated note, today at my daughter's soccer game, I was talking with another mom, and she asked me if I had other children. I said no. She looked at me in the most unusual way (what is wrong with you) and smiled. "Oh". I just want to note for the record that yes, I have only one child. And it is not necessarily that I wanted it that way. I long some days for a sweet baby to hold. But after years of trying and a whole other story, I only have one. Not only, One. And I am ok with this because I don't have a choice. I have days of sadness thinking of the fact that when my daughter is older she will have no sibling to spend time with, to complain about her crazy parents with, and more. But this is the way it is people. Don't be judgemental. You don't know me to know why things are the way they are. I love my daughter more than words can say, and I guess that no matter what choices any of us makes, someone always will have their own opinions about things, but if you don't know someone, keep it to yourself! Thanks! Consider this my public announcement for the day. LOL!

Pta craziness!

2006-08-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed how you maybe volunteer for one thing at your childs school only to suddenly be volunteered for several more? I have always wanted to be involved in my daughters school and thought, since I have a flexible schedule, why not?? Ha! Suddenly I am fall coordinator, book fair coordinator and several more! Why is it, also, that other women give me dirty looks when asked if they, too, can help. They reply that they have jobs, among other things. I, too, have a job, dammit! But they expect their childs school to have multiple social functions that they can go and sit at, while the other few of us work our asses off. Kinda makes me mad, can you tell? Don't complain and do nothing about it. I do these things because my mom never did, and I want my daughter to have fond memories of me being involved. Will she remember, who knows? Is it simply to help with my own guilt at being a working mom? Who knows? It's all craziness that comes with being a parent and I suppose that never goes away. When she is out on her own someday, I hope she will be proud of what I tried to accomplish and provide for her. In the meantime, I suppose I will be very,very busy with all kinds of functions! Whew....!

Mojitos...perfect way to forget a bad day!

2006-08-09T19:19:00.000-07:00

Have you had a mojito?? I had my first one of these delicious drinks today--picture a hot day and a cold glass filled with rum, fresh mint leaves, sugar cane and lime. yuuuuummmmmmmy! I met a friend and we enjoyed 2 of these while overlooking the lovely balboa park. What an awesome way to spend an afternoon. And a drink at 3pm--not something I do often but sure would like to do again. I am still trying to figure out my blog and have been having some technical difficulties, like adding a blogroll to my sidebar so that I can find some more blogs (and readers!). I am not even sure if anyone reads this, but it is fun. Anyone else out there in the San Diego area? Anyone had a mojito?? Well now I am a sleepy girl, and I have much work to do still so I guess I will get back to my "real world". :)

On a side note...it's not that bad!

2006-08-08T18:04:00.000-07:00

Of course the moment I hit "publish post" , my 10yr old comes to me and for no reason says "mom, I love you, your the best". So either she knew I was about to have a thermal breakdown, or she just had a divine moment of angelic proportions, I appreciated that. In fact, it brought a tear to my eye and I completely forgot about my horrific day. For a moment. :)

Do you ever have days like this??

2006-08-08T17:33:00.000-07:00

So I hate it when I have days like this. I wake up late. I see a spider crawling up my covers towards my face! I hurry to get ready and get my kiddo ready, who is all the while hollering at me "mom, I'm going to be late to school!". I get halfway to the school and realize she forgot her homework. We are late. I get her off to school and get on the freeway, only to have a parking lot rather than a freeway. I get to my office meeting late. Everyone stares at me and I get a dirty look from the manager when I walk in. One client backs out of a deal. Another client decides they want to wait to buy for just a "few months". I leave to go pick up my kiddo, only to find that someone has hit my car and left with no note. Great. It is just one of those days. Tomorrow will (has) to be better, right??

2,996 tribute to victims of 9/11

2006-08-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

So on a sad note today, I had a conversation with a friend about the new "World Trade Center" movie coming out on 8/9/06. We talked about how we were not sure how this movie would be, but we both wanted to see it. Another co-worker chimed in saying, why would we want to see a movie that portrays a very real ,difficult time as a fiction movie? It seems disrespectful. We both thought that this is more of a tribute movie, but realize that still, after 5 years, this time is very real and raw to probably everyone, to some extent. It is one of those things where you will, indeed, always remember where you were and what you were doing when this occured. I was still living in North Carolina at the time, and I was working in a doctor's office. People came in saying, "have you heard about the plane flying into the world trade center??" and we thought maybe it was one of those small commuter planes that had an accident,or was perhaps a "crazy person". Little did we know how crazy this all was. We didn't have a television, but tuned in to a small radio in the nurses station. There the horrendous details came into play. I don't need to remind you of them, you know and remember. I have never felt as I did that day. I remember calling my sister in California, and waking her to tell her to turn on her tv, and telling her to stay home. The feeling of fear and immense sadness is still in my heart. I didn't know anyone who died that day, but I knew many who were affected by someone who did die. Many New Yorkers were transplants to North Carolina. Their stories are forever in my head, and I was so touched when I came upon the 2,996 tribute to victims site. It is a great way to remember and tribute a true tragedy in our lives. I have searched over the years to explain this to my 10 yr old daughter. I have tried to take something positive out of it by teaching her that you cannot judge others by their race. I have tried to teach her that it is so important to be thankful for family and friends, to live every day as if it were the only one you had. Do I always succeed and remember these things? No. But I will continue to try. It is the one true way we can honor those who died. So just think about it and try to remember that we are all here together, and we can make it a better place.

Blogging is...addictive!

2006-08-01T17:44:00.000-07:00

So I know many people having been "blogging" for years. I also know that I am relatively "tech unfriendly" and so therefore did not even know what this meant until recently. Then a friend told me about her blogs and thus I was enlightened.
Now I cannot stop! I have laughed and cried and wished I knew soo many of these people. I stumbled upon a whole chain of people who recently attended blogher, and man, am I ever jealous! What a great time that would have been. You see, I guess you could say I am a little bit lonely since moving away from a great place and great friends a year ago. The older you get, the harder it is to meet and make new friends. It seems most people already have their groups of friends, and while people may be nice, they are not always willing to open up their social circles. I miss my best girlfriend, and while we talk alot, it's just not the same. So I guess this is why I have suddenly become addicted to the amazing world of lives that are shared through this great idea called blogging. I have been on here for literally hours. That is not the best use of time. Oh well! I love it anyways! Ciao!

Moto GP...Awesome!!

2006-07-30T16:26:00.000-07:00

WOW!! Last weekend was the US Moto GP at laguna seca. What can I say?? It was amazingly hot, the beer was cold, and Nicky Hayden won!!! What could be better?? It really was so much fun. Anyone who loves motorcycles would love this event. The one thing I noticed was that people of all kinds and walks of life attend. Everyone is just happy to be there. We met quite a few people and got some great autographs, the two Hayden bros Tommy and Roger, but couldn't quite get in to meet Nicky. We ran into Rossi and got some pics of him. He is so funny! And the camping experience there is great. All in all it was awesome. Watching
Nicky win a 2nd year in a row was soo exciting. We will definitely be back next year. Any other fans out there??

trying to post a picture to profile...

2006-07-18T19:59:00.000-07:00

Hot, Hot and more Hot

2006-07-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, is it just me or is it insanely hot?? I think of San Diego as being a great temp year round. We have been here just over a year and I can't say it has been hot like this before. We are talking 90+ degrees. And why is it no one has a/c? Just craziness. Then again, at least we are not in hot and humid weather like Raleigh, NC is right now. So I will stop my complaining. Anyhow, we are going to moto gp this weekend, should be good times. I can't wait! This time hopefully we will find some time to get over to Monterey to walk around. I will give a synopsis of the events upon our return. In the meantime, anyone out there who is hot, try and stay cool!

2006-07-15T22:43:00.000-07:00

Why can't I post my picture to come through?? uggg!

From Carolina to California

2006-07-15T22:28:00.000-07:00

So as the song goes, we flipped, heads Carolina, and now are back in California. These are the various ramblings of my life, then, and now. Wow, how time has flown by. We are a happy family of 3 (plus our sweet dog) living life and trying to find our "place in the world". Much more later, but just a short and sweet intro for now.